I was an old-fashioned girl. Grandmamma treated her like a
petted eldest child, and I had not learnt to look up to her with any
loyalty. My uncle and aunt too, even while seeming to uphold her
authority, betrayed how cheaply they held her."
"No wonder," said Caroline. "I was a very foolish creature then."
"I saw you differently too late," said Janet. "Thus unchecked by any
sober word, my imagination went on dwelling on those words, which
represented to me an arcanum as wonderful as any elixir of life that
alchemists dream of, and I was always figuring to myself the honour
and glory of the discovery, and fretting that it was destined to one
of my brothers rather than myself. Even then, I had some notion of
excelling them, and fretted at our residence at Kenminster because I
was cut off from classes and lectures. Then came the fortune, and I
saw at the first glance that wealth would hinder all the others, even
Robert, from attempting to fulfil the conditions, and I imagined
myself persevering and winning the day. As to the concealment of the
will, I can honestly say that, to my inexperienced fancy, it appeared
utterly unlike my father's and grandmother's, and at the moment I hid
it, I only thought of the disturbance and discomfort, which scruples
of my mother's would create, and the unpleasantness it would make
with Elvira, with whom I had just been quarrelling.
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