For I should tell you
that the one thing that kept me up was the entire calm grave
composure that John preserved throughout, and which gave him the
entire command. He never showed any consternation or dismay, nor
uttered an augury, but he went quietly and vigilantly on, in a manner
that all along gave me a strange sense of confidence and trust, that
all that could be done was being done, and the issue was in higher
hands. He would not let anyone really help him but Sister Dorothea,
with her trained skill as a nurse. I don't think even I should have
been suffered in the room, if he had not thought Jock might be more
conscious than was apparent, for he had not himself received one
token of recognition all those three days. Poor Bobus! the little
gleam of light that Jock had let in on him seemed all gone. I do not
know what would have become of him but for the good Ashtons. He had
been persuaded for a time that what was so real to Jock must be true;
but when Jock was no longer conscious, he had nothing to help him,
and I am afraid he spoke terrible words when Primrose talked of
prayer and faith. I believe he declared that to see one like his
brother snatched away when just come to the perfection of his early
manhood, with all his capacity and all his knowledge in vain,
convinced him either that this universe was one grim, pitiless
machine, grinding down humanity by mere law of necessity, or if they
would have it that there was supernatural power, it could only be
malevolent; and then Primrose, so strong in faith as to venture what
I should have shrunk from as dangerous presumption, dared him to go
on in his disbelief, if his brother were given back to prayer.
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